At a training recently, the presenter said, “Stuckness is a trauma response.” At some point, we learned staying stuck kept us safe. This could’ve happened in any number of ways:
You didn’t have much agency over our space or time growing up.
You’re so terrified of making the “wrong” choice that it’s better to stay in the same place.
No one ever taught you that you could do difficult things or be with the difficult emotions that inevitably arise when you make a change.
It’s easier to numb out or dissociate than be present, so you’re not really aware of what could change.
In my therapy practice, I work with a lot of folks who get stuck at points in their healing journey. These points are really tough. Often folks feel really defeated. There’s nothing that will solve the problem. When I make suggestions, it’s easy find a reason why none of them will work.
When that happens, it’s a signal to give attention to what’s going on under the stuckness. Very often it’s a belief about oneself that is rooted in relational trauma. “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not worthy.” “I’m incapable.” Or perhaps an emotion that needs to be felt and moved through: grief, rage, shame.
What shifts the stuckness:
get at what’s under the stuckness
give that some space and attention
try to see the stuckness with self-compassion. it helped you survive at some point.
love on the parts of yourself that want to move or be different
do the hard thing
Reflection Questions:
What beliefs about myself live under my stuckness? What emotions are there?
In what ways does staying stuck serve me? Or in what ways has it served me? Is there something that’s somewhat comfortable about staying stuck?
Comments are my favorite & I’d love to hear from you!
Tarot Spread:
To use this spread:
Shuffle your Tarot or oracle cards, setting the intention to explore the theme. Lay out three cards, left to right, as shown in the diagram. Starting with the card on the left, flip your cards over. Interpret each card based on the intention set for each card. Reflect on the guidance you’ve received.